Sunday, December 19, 2010

The National Football League

OK, time for a big, NFL prognostication.
NFC East: Eagles and Giants are neck and neck, and guess who collide at New Meadowlands today. Even if the Giants win, they are by no means a lock because they have to go on the road against a desperate Green Bay and the Dead er Redskins. If the Eagles win, it's game over, because they are home for The Team Formerly Known as the Vikings but that now Wants Brett Favre's Corpse as its Starting QB before closing at home with Jerry Jones's Rolling Train Wreck.
NFC North: Da Bears have a one game lead on the Pack and are about to expand it. Da Bears are technically on the road against The Team Formerly Known as the Vikings but that now Wants Brett Favre's Corpse as its Starting QB, but they're playing it in Gopherville because apparently the engineers who designed the Deflate-O-Dome didn't get the memo that there's this thing called Winter in Minnesota, and that environment will feel about like Soldier Field. The Pack, on the other hand, will be the latest to be assimilated by the Foxborough Borg. That puts Da Bears up two games with two games left and could well push the Pack completely out of the playoffs (at which point the drainfield known as the NFC West should have to give up its slot).
NFC South: Looking for entertainment, here it is. I have to give the nod to the Falcons, though, even though they have the big showdown with the Saints next week. First, that game is at Atlanta. Second, the Falcons face Miss McGillicuddy's Girls' School, Seattle Campus, this week before closing with Miss McGillicuddy's Girls' School, Carolina Campus, whereas the Saints are facing that brutal Ravens defense this week.
NFC West: Does anyone actually care? The Shams and Seaturkeys are tied for first, and both have losing records. If you wanted to fix this division, you'd have to call Roto-Rooter. The Seaturkeys management's biggest move was bringing Sneaky Pete north out of El Lay one step ahead of the law. I think the NFL is trying to find a way to sell this division to the CFL for a used hockey puck.

AFC East: Patriots. Patriots. And just for a change, Patriots. The J-E-T-S get the leftovers.
AFC North: Who wrote this schedule? Steelers and Ravens are one game apart and don't face each other in the stretch. Steelers are likely to keep that one game lead, though.
AFC South: This may be decided today, as the Jags and the Colts are battling in Indy as I type. Advantage, Manning's Machine, although the Colts still have to go through Davis's Dystopia next week, while the Jags face no such challenges.
AFC West: Advantage, Super Chargers. The Chiefs have yet to show me they care enough to bring it when it matters. The Chargers will win out, which is more than I expect from the Chiefs, even though they get the Alcatraz Alumni at home.